Ending a friendship of 36 years, at the age of 50, didn’t require a tough decision at all. I had already begun the mourning process of this loss of friendship a few years ago as my she grew silent, distant. Reaching out time and again, trying to connect, to fix, to rekindle our spark of loyalty that spanned a lifetime. Her text read, “should we fix it or call it done? I’m tired of crying.” I was in another state, we had lived far apart for a very long time. Tears leapt to my eyes, “this is it.” My heart whispered out loud.
We had grown vastly apart over the years. Not only different women, we were always different, but morally and ethically divergent from one another. I knew that our friendship was based on the past, not on current. Because I could see no future for us, I responded gently. “I’m sorry you are hurting and I will always cherish you, but I don’t know that either of us can “fix” this.”
Learning From Guru
Yesterday, my Guru and I walked along the trail near the pond at the AirBnB that We were staying at in Kansas city for the month. He spoke about Appropriate Action and how it is different in practice than Right Action. It always sparks my spirit when what He teaches me is rapidly put into practice. The very next day, I was given the opportunity to decide between Right and Appropriate Action.
My consciously ending a long term friendship rather than let it dwindle was appropriate action. Could I have dug in and tried to work things out? Yes, but to what end? Did my friend and I even know or like each other now? Not really. I would have resented working on the friendship, resented the effort, resented the crying and rehashing of who did what and who didn’t communicate and who didn’t call.
Lesson in action
Appropriate action then, was to not continue to straggle on, clinging to memories of our youth, memories of our adventures together and certainly not clinging to the pains that occur over 36 years of friendship with someone. We were no longer able, and I was no longer willing, to try and make, new memories.
Appropriate action lead me make a painful decision that seemed immediate, but will leave a clean break, allowing for healing and growth to continue for either of us as we choose. Right action would have meant to try and continue to maintain a friendship with someone who doesn’t know me now, and likely doesn’t want to given our differences on a core-basis.
Gratitude
I wish her the very best, as I always have.
To my Guru, I am grateful for that timely lesson, for the deep understanding I received from Him as I shared with Him about my decision, and for His continued pouring into me.
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